2015

This post is titled 2015 because I couldn't think of any other title. I actually didn't think it through before I started announcing to people that I had an end of the year post coming up. So......now I'm staring at my laptop and hoping the words would come.i have to write about 2015, and I don't even know what to write.  Have you ever been in a situation where you had so much to say but you couldn't form the words? well, if you have then you will understand me.  This post is not a very serious one,  so you can get a bottle of chilled coke and fried Christmas chicken if you still have leftovers but at the same time, I hope  it helps someone.  That's why I'm writing this.
 

 
  So..... 2015. Hmmnnn... 2015. Damilola does not know where to start from oh.  Many things happened in 2015, many many things. Many days of laughter, days of tears. Loved ones were born, some were lost.  I remember how the year started, we didn't go to church as usual for the cross over service.  We crossed over in our house.  I remember my mom asking me to lead the praise worship and my dad leading prayers when it was almost 12 am. It was very awkward,  I was just looking lost and when it was 12 am, we said "happy new year" and I went straight to my room and locked myself in as usual.  I couldn't help saying to myself "what a way to start a New Year". Like every new exercise book you buy, the New Year came with many blank pages.  Some I wrote beautifully on,  some I didn't give much thought to.  For me,  2015 shed more light on 2014 which was the year of my awakening and 2013, my birth year ( I don't know where that came from).  But really,  these words represent what those years really did for me, I mean spiritually .
 
 I met beautiful people this year and   several people blessed me. Please permit to make a shout out to them.  God sent wonderful people my way,  they have imparted me in ways that many of them do not even know.  They are many but I'll just mention those that have helped me in relation with this blog.

    .  Bolade,  the roommate,  whether or not you know it,  our paths crossed for a very important reason.  God has taught me a lot through you,  I love you more than words can express. There are several other people that I'll like to call one,  ChrisrMind Family.. Oh.. My beautiful family, I can't even start here because i"ll just exceed the limit for the number of words I'm allowed here on expressing my love for this family, I'm forever changed because of you, you are the place of my moulding. Femi,  you are just so wonderful. Dadesola, wonderful friend,  I love you plenty sweetie.  Your simply pure heart always inspires me. Your wonderful comments on my posts also make me want to write more, and they make me feel like I'm one big life changer (which I am).  To my beautiful baby sisters,  Tamilore and Tiwa,  even though you two can't see this now,i hope you see it someday, momma loves you always and forever. Yoi have inspired several posts.  Please forgive me if your name is not here,  I love you and thank you. I also have to make a shout out to my classmates ooo,  LLB Class of 2017, University of Ibadan., I love you!!!!!!. You are the best classmates, Kayode,  Bolade, Mona (Enitan) , Kolade,  Gbemi,  oh.. Gbemisola dear, Leye, John, Mujib,  everybody, you all  made 2015. All those days in the LLT would be incomplete without Enitan's noise,  Mujib's questions, Kunle's comments, Iyinoluwa's loud voice  and without you all being there. Everyone that comes into your life is there for a reason.  God will always teach you through them. You all are a part of me, lessons that I have been taught through you are part of what makes me. To my blog family,  readers from everywhere,  thank you so much,  I love you And of course my baby was born in 2015. I started this blog this year and she is five months and three days old now,  how fast they grow!

         Now about New Year resolutions,  if they work for you,  please go ahead, make as many as possible.. But what's important is that you set goals, please seek God,  let His will for 2016 become yours. Never set goals without seeking Him or they will be difficult to achieve, even if they are not,  they won't count.  This year I learnt to be totally dependent on God, He taught me. I remember a word I got in March concerning that and it has indeed been fulfilled. This year has also been a year of many emotions, I mean a lot, thank God for His grace.

 I like to think I developed a better relationship with people this year and that I communicate better now. In 2014 I kept to myself a lot,  2013, I was in my own world.  This year, the big picture got clearer, it can only get clearer.  I can't write about 2015 and not mention love of course. Again, I thank God for beautiful people He has placed in my life, There are several other things I can't even remember now but this year, all worked for my good. I remember now that I resumed school terribly disappointed in myself(poor grades), I registered my courses with a  heartache. i  still don't understand how I was able to hide it very well, no one noticed  something was wrong with me   I always laughed (I laugh too much even in texts) but in the midst of my fears, I had an encounter with God that forever changed me.

    2015...... I remember there were nights that I cried into my pillow trying hard not to wake my roommate, I cried myself to sleep, those nights I couldn't stop myself from loving God. Yes!! Like many others there were days I almost gave up but now like Kurt Carr I can  sing that "He kept me" so I wouldn't let go and I can thank Him by singing like Amy Renee Miller "You are faithful ". Lord, you are faithful, you never give up on me,  You are stable through every change that this life can bring, You in Me.  This year saw the shattering and remoulding of my heart.  This year had me admitting to myself that no matter how hard I try to ignore it, I am a young adult (please let me call myself that), in a university. I now understand that admitting your weakness only makes you stronger. No wonder the Bible says that he who keeps his life will lose it and he who let's it go will find it.  It's just like the new birth, by inviting Christ into your life, you admit your weak state and you find your strength in Him.  I said this post won't be too serious, I hope your coke is still chilled.

        I remember when I started this year, my songs were more like "it all belongs to you " by Juanita Bynum and I'm ending it with songs like "Imela" by Nathaniel Bassey and Enitan Adaba. 2015 has been great (it's not gone yet)  and for this year and every day of my life I am grateful to Him in whom I have my days.   Thank you for being a part of my life,  I love you.

 

                                

See you in 2016!

IN OVER MY HEAD (2)

I had lost all hope,  it seemed to me that there was no going back.

    Then it came,  in my most miserable state, that glorious presence that heightens the beauty in everything. He was with me.  Oh what joy filled my heart! He did not desert me after all. He touched me and I felt the warmth, I felt the love He had for me.  I then remembered all that I had done,  I was scared, I didn't deserve His love, anyone's for that matter. He immediately knew how I felt,  I could see it in His eyes,  It was as though He could feel what I felt. The tears started again,  "go away from me, I'm undeserving of Your love, a failure that I am". "Hush..... " He said,  He pulled me close, wrapped me in His arms and whispered in my ear, "I love you".  It was then the truth hit me. He loved me still, that I was crushed to Him did not matter. I could see from the way His eyes shone that He did not see in me the failure that I saw, He could see no wrong in me, I was perfect. By telling me He loved me. He said it all. It was not merely an expression, it was an expression of a fact.

   I was forever changed, I then understood that His word is my reality. Circumstances don't make my reality, what He says about me does. That I stumble and fall again and again does not make His love for me dwindle. His love gave me love, with it came hope, peace, faith and joy. I couldn't but love Him with my very being. I even love Him because He first loved me. 

   His love settled it all, there was no suicide, Now, I know I have something to live many lives for. Whatever comes my way, I know we are in it together. Now like Jenn Johnson I can sing "Whether I swim, whether I sink, it makes no difference". This manner of love I still cannot comprehend, He is love Himself. I shall continue to plumb the depths and climb the heights but as I've found, there's no end to it. Even now I am still in over my head,  but beautifully so, beautifully in over my head.

          

IN OVER MY HEAD

      "You're at it again", I said to myself.
It sure had started again. It was evident in my eyes,  I could feel the ferocious storm they call fear in my heart. My head was pounding terribly!  There was no way I could stop the tears from flowing. My heart kept swelling in my chest like it was going to burst. There was no questioning it,  I was definitely having another one of my many "moments". My head began to pound like it always does when I cry hard.
      "I have failed!" , there was definitely no way the tears could stop now. My heart shattered,  there was no one to talk to, none to share my burden with.  I was very much disappointed in myself,  how could I have done that!  I had very great plans and much confidence in my abilities. Everyone told me I had great potentials,  "What happened?!!!! ", I cried out,  "What went wrong?!" I screamed,  "What did I do wrong?!!!" I thought I would have been able to stop it, I thought I had it all under control.  It happened all of a sudden,  just like a balloon , it popped in my face. It all came crashing down like a sand castle in the rain.
   Out of the blues,  I remembered what they always say,  that there's someone who is always willing to hear,  someone in whom you can always confide. They  say,  you can cast all your cares upon Him, perhaps it will work,  I'll give it a try I thought. So,  I sat very still,  tried to be as calm as possible but nothing!  I was expecting to hear that voice but it never came,  I felt worse,  "even He is refusing to help, perhaps He too has deserted me". Fresh rivers of tears gushed out from my eyes, "I'm going to put an end to this miserable life of mine".  I was definitely in over my head. 
   

Love and Perfection (2)

           LOVE AND PERFECTION (2)


        So….. I got a couple of questions as regards the last post and i know I’m going to get many more on this. I already had a picture of what this post was going to be about but I needed to summon courage to put it up and guess who’s finally showing so much courage, me!  Also, we treated a topic in criminal law class; sexual offences and I got to discover many loopholes in the laws guiding this but that is a topic for another day, anyways, that gave me the motivation I needed to put this up.  This is the next story but our character remains the same, our very own Ruth. She is just a perfect example of one who has been  redeemed by God’s love. Ruth would have never thought that one could harbor so much love for her, that one could feel so greatly about her the way God does, like she always says, it’s a love affair!  She could never have imagined that she would be able to give out so much too but thank God for His grace, indeed it is true that you automatically have a mantle to help others wherever  the devil has hurt you.
     So our story begins,  Ruth had left Aunt Susan’s place when this happened. She was already staying with mom, it was a holiday, she told her mom she wanted to spend it with her uncle (mom’s brother) and his family because she immediately fell in love with them when she went visiting. Her mom agreed, she knew them to be nice people so, she saw no harm in itAs at this time, she was ten years old.
    It was great, all she did most of the time was sleep, eat and watch tv until that f afternoon it started. Her uncle as usual had gone to work and her aunt had gone out too with her little son, so she was home alone with her aunt’s niece, Titi who had come for the holiday too and a guy they both called ‘uncle Ray’ (lets call him that because she can’t remember his name now and she didn’t even know the relationship he had with the family) because he was at least 20 years older than they were.  Before that day, she had noticed that Ray was always looking at her in a funny way, she had caught him staring at her several times and he always gave her a scary smile. Titi had noticed too and they both did not like him. Titi did not hidethe fact that she did not like him, she was always rude to him but Ruth wasn’t one to hurt people’s feelings intentionally, she still isn’t, so she was nice to him even though he scared her.
Now, our story is about to get serious. That afternoon, she was in the sitting room with Titi but she left to get something in the room (she can’t remember what it is now), Ray walked in with that annoying smile on his face, looking like he was going to swallow her. He bolted the door, she at that instant knew he was up to something very terrible, she cowered back in fear, and he made to grab her but suddenly changed his mind. He unlocked the door, turned back and told Ruth that he liked her because she was a very nice girl and then walked out.  It was at the instant that sheknew something very terrible was going to happen but she didn’t know who to tell and she also found it very difficult to confide in people, she just didn’t know how to tell people things especially the very important matters.
 Fast forward to a few days later, Ruth was asked to go get some clothes on the line, she was about to open the door when she felt someone grab her from behind, it was Ray. She very easy to lift up because she was so tiny, he carried her up with just one hand, pulled her close to him and covered her mouth with the other. Because he was so big and she was tiny, that hand not only covered her mouth but her nose too, she was suffocating, he touched her everywhere, she struggled, he forced his mouth on hers, she bit him, she was trying hard to escape from him when her aunt called out her name. he immediately let her go and threatened to kill her if she told anyone he had come on to her, he brought out a pen knife from his pocket and said he was going to slice her throat with it if she even said a word concerning it. She was very scared, if he could have tried that with everyone at home, she didn’t want to imagine what he would do if she was left alone with him. Her mom called that night as usual to check on her, Ruth didn’t know what stopped her from asking her mom to come get her, if it was the beautiful face of her aunt, the sweet voice of her cousin or if she was under a spell. She told her mom all was well and that she was enjoying her holiday even though that had stopped earlier in the day. The next day, Ray’sfiancée came around, she was so pretty and nice. Ruth found it hard to believe that someone that nice would be getting married to him. She overheard them discussing with her aunt that Ray would be leaving the next week because they had finally found a nice apartment and he had a  good job. Ruth felt so happy, like the torture was going to end because she couldn’t walk freely in the  house in fear that he’ll try to hurt her again and the annoying stares were getting creepier. Two days later, Titi, whom she loved to call her bodyguard left and she got even more scared.
    It finally happened, her uncle, aunt and her cousin were sleeping in their room, she was watching tv and felt sleepy, she thought she was the only one awake. Shewas on her way to her room when he grabbed her, she struggled but he was too strong, he brought out that pen knife again and said he was going to use it on her if she made a sound. He laid her down on the cold floor, she looked up at him and all she could see was that annoying smile. She was not scared, she stopped struggling maybe because she already saw it coming, she just wanted him to get done with it but surprisingly he turned her on her back, pulled down her skirt and ripped out what was left. He then told her he was going to do it through her back so nobody would notice much if at all anything came up.  She did not struggle, she was in so much pain, and the pain she was felt on her inside was more than what she felt from the damage that his fingers in her were causing. Her heart hurt more than her body did, it felt like it was on fire and like it was going to burst at the same time.  She felt like she was dying inside, she could not stop the tears, he touched her everywhere and kept telling her it was her fault he was being like that with her, she felt violated. It went on and on and on for what seemed like forever but it finally stopped.  She was in so much pain, the tears did not stop for even a second, she struggled to pull herself up, he stood there watching her struggle to even stand. He then went into his room,  that smile never left his face.  Ruth had to crawl into her room, she then went into the bathroom, she was bleeding, she never made a sound.  Her mind was blank, she did not feel hatred for him, she did not even feel anything at all. She triedto stretch out on her bed, she could not even do that properly and the tears  continued to flow, in no time, her pillow was soaked and sfew he did not know when she fell asleep.

       The next morning, Ruth’s aunt came in to wake her, she woke up screaming and struggling with her aunt until she realized who it was. She wanted to know what was wrong but Ruth said she wasn’t feeling well and she was in bed all day, .  Two days later, she was passing by her aunt’s room when she overheard her conversation with Ray. Her aunt told him that she had noticed him looking at Ruth in a very funny way she did not like, she said she wanted him to leave or she’ll report him to her husband. He tried to argue with her, he feignedannoyance but this did not move her aunt. Ruth just had to smile, it was already too late, he had satisfied himself. Ray came out and saw her, that smile returned again, he moved out the next day and the annoying smile never left his face. She did not say anything to him, she hadn’t said a word to him since that night.

       Our dear little Ruth experienced terrible things as a child, at a point, she thought she just wasn’t worth loving, that her existence probably did not matter to anyone but God proved her wrong. She knows now that she is a recipient of the greatest love ever; God’s love. It overwhelms her and she knows she is very dear to Him, He sees as perfect, without blemish and she has learnt to see herselfin the light of His word.  Now she knows He cares about even the tiniest detail about her, He even knows the total number of the strands of hair she has. She is perfect in Him.
      There is one story left in this series and its about how little Ruth discovered God’s love for her. It comes up soon!