I had lost all hope, it seemed
to me that there was no going back.
Then it came, in my most miserable state, that glorious
presence that heightens the beauty in everything. He was with me. Oh what joy filled my heart! He did not desert
me after all. He touched me and I felt the warmth, I felt the love He had for
me. I then remembered all that I had
done, I was scared, I didn't deserve His
love, anyone's for that matter. He immediately knew how I felt, I could see it in His eyes, It was as though He could feel what I felt.
The tears started again, "go away
from me, I'm undeserving of Your love, a failure that I am".
"Hush..... " He said, He
pulled me close, wrapped me in His arms and whispered in my ear, "I love
you". It was then the truth hit me.
He loved me still, that I was crushed to Him did not matter. I could see from
the way His eyes shone that He did not see in me the failure that I saw, He
could see no wrong in me, I was perfect. By telling me He loved me. He said it all.
It was not merely an expression, it was an expression of a fact.
I was forever changed, I then
understood that His word is my reality. Circumstances don't make my reality,
what He says about me does. That I stumble and fall again and again does not
make His love for me dwindle. His love gave me love, with it came hope, peace,
faith and joy. I couldn't but love Him with my very being. I even love Him
because He first loved me.
His love settled it all, there
was no suicide, Now, I know I have something to live many lives for. Whatever comes
my way, I know we are in it together. Now like Jenn Johnson I can sing
"Whether I swim, whether I sink, it makes no difference". This manner
of love I still cannot comprehend, He is love Himself. I shall continue to
plumb the depths and climb the heights but as I've found, there's no end to it.
Even now I am still in over my head, but
beautifully so, beautifully in over my head.
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